INTERVIEWER'S LOG

Day 1
The earth seems to have had a massive anomaly occurring near Boring, Oregon. As the first entry within my journal, I shall go across the world, interviewing all who have experienced the anomaly

DAY 2 WAS TORN OUT.

Day 3
Okay, so some of the U.S. government seems to have seen the anomaly up close with their satellites or whatever. Here's the full thing.

Me: So you have seen the anomaly up close?

Gov't dude: Yes. It seems to have jumbled most of the worlds continents and shit all over the place. And according to our scientists, there are some wormholes jumbled in there too.

Me: Astonishing.

Gov't dude: You don't even know the half of it, dick fart. There are also weird ass creatures appearing in said jumbled up places. AND our government base was just torn apart!

Me: Neato. Hey is our sky cracking open?

Somehow, creatures and wormholes have appeared throughout jumbled parts of our world! The oddities of this world confuse me so much.

Day 3. Again.
So apparently, I was just drained of my chromosomes and my "clout" whatever the hell that is. The crack in the sky seemed to be one of the odd creatures in our world. I believe this may be a cycle, tricking people into believing winter has come early. Those poor souls. I hope they survive! (NOTE TO SELF: My arm hurts really fucking bad. Do I have an STD? I think I have an STD. I think I have a fucking STD. I'm finna get tested.) (UPDATE: I have a fucking STD.) (UPDATE: I stole one of their boats in a violent rage. I'm not getting anymore sky-crack STDs. I hope they all get their dicks kicked to another realm. Is that what I should call these? Realms? Sounds gay.)

DAYS 4 & 5 ARE SOAKED WITH WATER. SO MUCH WATER, THAT WE CAN'T MAKE OUT SHIT EXCEPT FOR THIS:

Days 4 & 5 (sorta)
I _a_'t _ee_m to geT S_me sleep in tHis part _f _Ar_h. P_oPlE s_em ver_ uNN_appy hE_e. they like he_Ding s_uth.

DAY 6 WAS BURNED.

Day 7
Holy fucking dick burger. I'm sorry, allow me to explain. Two stars just collided and I think a god was just crea--

THERE'S FIRE ON THE REST OF THIS PAGE THAT WON'T GO OUT NO MATTER WHAT. I CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS. IT ALSO DOESN'T SEEM TO BURN ME ANY. ODD.

Day 13
I feel myself getting very weak in this part of town. I do have enough strength to write this interview down, however.

Me: Does all of your kind carry skateboards of the same color?

Blonde boy: *Loud scream.*

Me: What? Is there a bug or something on my shoulder?

Most of the other blonde boys in the distance: *Many loud screams.*

Me: Why are all of you screaming?

Blonde boy with a blue hoodie: I'm the only one of my kind that can speak english!

Me: Do you know what they're saying?

Blue hoodie blonde boy: Suck a dick!

Every blonde boy in a radius able to hear him: *Scream*

Day 14
I believe I've found a part of the earth that is only ocean. It is very hard to write and float on the water at the same time. I think I'm going to drow--

Day ...1600?!
So after being in the water and drowning and stuff, I was saved by a few squid-like creatures. I can somehow breathe underwater now. I will just make up some weird thing to call 'em. Adrocothaulius. Why the hell not?

Me: Thank you for saving me.

Adrocothaulius who has a rasta hat on: You were unconscious for 1586 days you cocksuck. Also my name is Kip, not whatever the fuck you wrote on there.

Me: How did you- I- What? How old are you?

Kip: 13-

Me: Christ almighty!

Kip: Do you want to get your ass beat? Let me finish. 13 thousand. Don't act surprised, "I have a masters degree" headass.

Kip's father (I think): That's what's up my nigger. *He high fives his 13,000 year old son.*

Me: *speechless*

Year 17 quintillion.
I have experienced all. I know all there is to know. All I wish for is the sweet release of death. That will put an end to my newfound infinite knowledge. I have become a tree. All is back to normal. I hope that the local lumberjack finally cuts me down so that I may finally die.